More than a decade separates these sisters from a quiet Dallas suburb, and yet through the distance, there now lies a bond brought about by circumstance, and genetic dispositions. Vivacious, lively, generous, welcoming, are but a few terms which I would use to describe my experience with them, and yet what co-exists vicariously with these traits, comes a struggle, a constant battle between the rails of civilised ‘normal’ life, and the fight for stability.
Again, I observed parallels between these genuine, loving people, as with those I have been fortunate enough to meet previously. It is becoming evident to me (and I know from my own experiences), that a common theme with folks facing the constant pressure of Mental ‘Illness’, is that the burdens are seldom easy to manage, nor do they wane or dissolve with time. There is the on-going frustration of lying on the perimeters of sanity, between the ‘sane’ and ‘insane’, stuck in a looking glass, a limbo of sorts, a purgatory of innocence constantly looking from side to side, trying to avoid slipping the wrong way.
Both Amber and Aubrey have a diagnosis of Bi-Polar, Amber experiences the Manic dispositions, whereas Aubrey suffers a little less obviously under the veil of the depressive nature of such a convoluted condition. They openly shared with me times of hardship, incarceration, and suicide inducing episodes, and yet like with others, there is a survival instinct prevalent and strong with these two. It seems that as they have learned to live and cope with their conditions, they subconsciously have drawn a new appreciation for life, and for that most natural of instincts we all share, even if some of us have all but lost our knowledge of what it means to really ‘survive’. Both have careers, education, and family, and I was overwhelmed by the good in their lives, yet humbled once again by their attitudes to cope, especially considering they live together, and have found their own unique ways of dealing with each others dispositions. One would assume that opposing constants in a shared condition would prove unbearable in the same space, and yet I was surprised, and inspired by how they live together, not always in harmony, but they are doing their best, after all they are both aware of how important the sanctity of Family is.
On the subject of family, they were both aware, and both comfortable in sharing with me that age old genetic rhetoric. It is frustrating sometimes to see such a rollover of genetics, I wish for many peoples sake that these conditions weren’t in the slightest genetic, but unfortunately, as with Annie it seems mental illness is no stranger to this family. I just hope for their children’s sake, that mutations in Mental Illness are possible, and the line can be broken. I live in hope.
Overall, there was warmth, an unprecedented level of warmth evident from the outset, as I sheepishly crept up the cul-de-sac, where I was met with the two sisters, pointing and laughing at me from afar. I knew that this was going to be a fun encounter, and that was exactly what it was, I came away feeling inspired, that maybe I too should try my hardest to adopt such optimism in relation to my own Illness, and for that optimism I thank you both, Amber and Aubrey. Never have I had so much fun discussing Illness and suicide! Stay strong guys.
Semper Est Sperare 